Finding out you are near the end of life

Finding out that you are nearing the end of your life can be very difficult and distressing. You might find it hard to believe, even if you know your illness is getting worse. You may have strong and often overwhelming feelings that make it difficult to think clearly.

There is no right or wrong way to feel. Take your time to feel these emotions and ask any questions you need to ask. You may need some time on your own, or with people close to you, to cope with what is happening. You can also talk to your GP, cancer doctor, specialist nurse or social worker for advice and support.

Sometimes it is also useful to talk to someone you do not know. Your family or friends may find this helpful, too. Our cancer support specialists can give you information and emotional support. You can call our support line on 0808 808 00 00 or chat to them online. Or visit our Online Community to talk with other people in a similar situation, share your experience, and ask an expert your questions.

Some people want to know how long they might live. This is known as a prognosis or life expectancy. Others do not want or need to know. Some people may never ask this question.

Your healthcare team may be able to give you an idea of how many weeks or months you might live for. But they cannot be sure. You may live longer than they say or, unfortunately, you may live for less time.

It is common for your mood to go up and down. Sometimes, you may feel well and positive, but at other times you may feel less well and have less energy.

Although your future may be uncertain, it can be helpful to plan ahead and make the most of the days when you feel well. You may want to focus on things you enjoy or want to achieve.

There are some important things you may want to think about before you die. These include:

• where you want to be cared for at the end of life
• making or updating a will
• writing an advance decision or advance directive.

It may be helpful to talk about these with your doctor, nurse and family.

Talking about your situation and what is happening can help. But it can be hard, especially if you are feeling unwell. You might feel you have to be strong and support other people, even though you are the one who is ill. Or you may feel like you should be the one to start any difficult conversations.

You may find it helpful to talk through your thoughts and feelings with someone you trust. This may be a close friend, partner or family member. Talking openly about your feelings and what would help can also let them know how to support you. You should only share as much as you want to, and at a time when you feel ready. It may help to plan when you want to talk to someone and what you want to say.

You might find it easier to talk to a healthcare professional. Your GP, specialist nurse or healthcare team at the hospital can support you.

If you are finding it very difficult to cope with your feelings, you may need more specialised emotional support. This could be from a counsellor or psychologist. If you think you may need this, ask your GP or specialist cancer doctor to refer you.

Approaching the end of your life can be challenging and difficult for you and the people close to you. You may find you get all the emotional support you need from your friends, partner family or healthcare team. Or you may find it helpful to talk to a chaplain or religious leader or to get spiritual or religious support. Some people find it easier to get support from someone they do not know.

You may need more specialised help in dealing with your emotions. This might be from one of the following professionals.