The only times when I’ve felt helpless is between treatments. When the path isn’t clear, that’s the hardest time. That’s when fear can start to creep in. You feel that so much is out of your control.
I was so tired that I could barely bring myself out of bed in the morning. I was really restricted in what I could eat. Hair loss was really horrible and kind of left me with odd patches on my head. I think that was one of the hardest things. I decided to take back control.
My hairdresser very kindly shaved my head. I fully intended to wear a wig or scarves, but I remember Mark looking at me and saying 'you look beautiful' – and he really meant it. So we went and bought some earrings. I spent about three or four months being totally bald and really happy. I have been astonished and so pleased with how well my new look has been received.
I have been walking, writing a blog, reading, obsessively watching the West Wing and spending lots of lovely time with friends and family. I am remembering what is actually important in life.
Emsworth has been a central part of my recovery. It is a beautiful coastal town and we are lucky enough to live right in the centre. My daily walks around the millpond give me a reason to get out of the house on even the bluest of days. On my walks down the high street, to the sailing club, a friendly face is never far away.