There are many things you can do that may help you cope with the changes cancer can bring in a relationship.
Exercise and diet
Physical activity helps our bodies release chemicals (endorphins) that lift our mood and lower stress hormones. Even just going for a walk each day may help.
Eating well and keeping to a healthy weight will help you maintain or regain your strength, have more energy, and have an increased sense of well-being. It can also help reduce the risk of new cancers, heart disease, strokes and diabetes.
It may help to use complementary therapies alongside your cancer treatment. They can be a good way of helping you cope with some of the stresses caused by cancer and cancer treatments. Many therapies are relaxing, and having an enjoyable experience may lift your spirits when you aren’t feeling your best. Some complementary therapies can also help to relieve specific symptoms or side effects caused by cancer or its treatments.
You should always check with your doctor before starting a new therapy.
Talk about how you feel
Communication plays a big part in any relationship. Talking about cancer and the impact it has can be an important way to help you both cope with it. But remember, you or your partner may not always want or feel able to talk.
You might find our section on talking about cancer helpful.
Speak to others in a similar situation
You may find it useful to share your experiences with others. You can do this in Macmillan’s online community. Your partner may also want to use the community to talk with other people in a similar situation.
You may also want to go along to a support group, either on your own or with your partner. Most cancer support groups welcome partners, carers, family members and friends of people with cancer. Ask your cancer nurse about support groups for people who have the same cancer as you, or search for a group near you.
Write down your feelings
Some people find that it helps to write down how they feel. Keeping a diary may be a way of allowing you to express your fears and worries without having to talk them through. Blogs and social networking sites can be a good way to communicate with people who are going through similar experiences.
If you find it difficult to talk to your partner about certain things, you might want to show them something you’ve written that explains your feelings. Give them the chance to read it, so they can understand your feelings about the situation.
You could also try using one of the tools on the Think about your life website.
Make a plan to do things together with your partner. It could be going for a meal or to the theatre, visiting relatives, or taking a holiday. Not only will you have something to look forward to, but you’ll also have time set aside to be together.
Let your partner know how they can support you
Let your partner know if there are ways you’d like them to support you, or if there are things you’d enjoy doing, either alone or together. It may be that your partner would like to support you in more ways, but they are unsure about what you need from them.
You may find some benefit from you and your partner dealing with your cancer treatment together. It may be useful to have their help when it comes to making decisions or attending appointments. Working with your partner as a team can also be helpful if you have children who need looking after, or extended family you need to keep in contact with.
Talk to a professional
You are both likely to find your own way of dealing with your emotions. It’s important to remember that negative feelings and thoughts often pass, so you’re likely to feel better at some time in the future.
You may find it helps to talk to a professional in your cancer team, such as your cancer nurse, about how you are feeling. They can be a great source of support.
If you or your partner find that your feelings are so overwhelming that they stop you from being able to function in your everyday life, or if you’re becoming depressed, then it may be time to seek professional help.
Partners often try to protect each other by not being completely open about their fears and concerns. Sometimes it may help to bring things into the open with the help of a counsellor. It can help you both understand each other and may bring you closer.
There are different types of professional help and therapy available. These include talking to someone, such as your GP or a counsellor, psychotherapist or psychiatrist, or attending a group.
Your GP may put you in touch with a counsellor, or you can contact a counselling organisation. The hospital where you are being treated may also be able to offer you and your partner counselling or support.