Coping with loneliness and isolation

There are many reasons why you might feel alone. It may be because you feel that no one understands what you’re going through, or that other people are trying to be so positive that you can’t say what you genuinely feel. Or it may be that your appearance has changed as a result of the cancer or its treatment. For example, some cancer treatments can cause hair loss or weight loss. These changes can add to your sense of being isolated and different from those around you. You can still feel lonely even if you’re surrounded by people close to you. 

The sense of isolation can be made worse if you find it difficult to talk about your situation. It can be hard to tell your family and friends how you really feel, as you may want to protect them from a distressing conversation. You may tell them you’re fine even when you’re not. You may find yourself giving people other reasons for not being yourself, such as ‘I’m just feeling tired.’

You may find that the less you talk about it, the more the cancer becomes all you think about, and the more alone you feel. Finding the courage to talk to just one person can be the first step towards helping you feel better.

If you live alone

If you live by yourself, you can feel even more alone and unsure of who to turn to. You may also have practical things to sort out. For example, you may need to work out who will look after your pet when you’re in hospital, or how you’ll do everyday tasks like shopping when you’re back at home.

Some people have family and friends who live nearby. But if you don’t have anyone near to you, it may be hard to know where to get help. You may find it helpful to join a local cancer support group, where you can meet people in a similar situation.

The internet has become a common way of socialising and keeping in touch with people. There are a number of online groups for people affected by cancer.

What may help

There are many things you can do to help you feel less isolated and also help you manage your emotions. Different things work for different people, so you may need to try a few to see what you find the most helpful.

Talking to family and friends

You’re most likely to feel comfortable talking to your family and friends about how you feel. They know you and you may have been through difficult experiences together in the past. They can hopefully give you the support you need.

See our section on relationships and communication| for more information on talking about cancer.

But not everyone has family or friends, and some people find it difficult to talk to people close to them. In this case, you may find it easier to speak to someone you don’t know so well, such as a work colleague or a counsellor.

Counselling and professional help

There are many organisations| that can provide counselling  and emotional support. You can also ask your doctor or nurse to tell you about any local counselling services that may be available to you. The British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy| (BACP) has a website that allows you to search for counsellors.

You might find it helpful to watch our video about how counselling| can help people with cancer and their friends and relatives. Then you could decide whether counselling could be helpful for you too.

Self-help and support groups

Many areas of the UK have cancer support groups or information and support centres. Sometimes these groups are led by healthcare professionals. You may find that other members of the group are in a similar position to you. But it’s quite usual for a group to include people with different types and stages of cancer. This wider experience may help you look at your own problems from different perspectives. To find a support group in your area, see our page on cancer support groups|.

Online support

There are a number of support groups on the internet. Some are aimed at particular types of cancer, while others are more general. You can speak to people in chat rooms and forums or, if you prefer, just read other people’s entries.

This can be very helpful and can ease feelings of isolation. Other people’s experiences can help you learn how to cope with treatment and how to live with cancer.

Online communities are easy to join and leave, without any need for personal contact or explanations. You can use our Online Community| to talk to people in our chat rooms, blog your journey, make friends and join support groups.

Speaking to healthcare professionals

You can talk about your fears, anxieties and worries to your GP or your cancer specialists. If you have a cancer nurse, you can call them for support even after you’ve returned home from hospital. For more information, see our section on getting professional help|.