The most important thing to remember about grief is that it affects everyone in different ways.
Some people cry a lot. Other people keep themselves busy. Try to understand that everyone will cope in their own way.
You may have lots of different emotions, which may come and go in waves. Many people describe feeling shocked and numb in the days and weeks immediately after the death of someone they love.
You may feel very angry. Try not to worry about it, because it is a normal feeling to have.
You may feel guilty. You might think that if you had said or done something differently, the person might not have died. If you are feeling like this, you might find it helpful to talk to a doctor or nurse who was caring for your relative or friend. You could also talk to your GP.
The person you were looking after may have been very ill for a long time, or had symptoms that were difficult to control. You might feel relieved that they are not suffering any more, and there is no need to feel guilty about this.
You may feel lonely, or have a feeling of intense longing to see, speak to or hold the person who has died. If you had a difficult relationship with the person who has died, you may not feel any of the emotions we have described here.
Try not to worry about how often you cry. And don’t worry if you can’t cry. It doesn’t mean you don’t feel the loss. Just do what feels right for you.
Some people become very depressed and stop looking after themselves properly. If this happens, you may need extra support. We have lots of information about what to do if you think you are depressed.
Your grief is unique to you. You will have good days and bad days.
Coping with grief
You might find it helpful to get back to your usual routine quite quickly. Or it might take a long time before you feel ready to face the world again.
Try to make sure that you don’t cut yourself off from life. It can be harder to adjust if you have not been to school or college, or seen your friends, for a long time.
If you feel that you want to stay connected to the person who has died, there are lots of ways you can do this. Write them a letter (it might sound silly, but it works). Or maybe there is a favourite photo that you could put in a frame.
You could also think about making a memory box. A memory box is a container that holds special things to remind you of the person who has died. You could put in photos, some of their favourite music, or letters or cards from them. These things can help remind you of happy times you spent together and offer you some comfort. You might find making the box very emotional, but it might also be nice to think about your memories.
Don’t be afraid to talk about the person that has died, whether it’s little stories or talking about their cancer. And don’t worry if you go over and over the same stories – it’s good to remember.
Eventually, your grief will lift. You will have fewer bad days. And you will start to feel like a normal person again.
There are charities who can help if you are coping with grief. We have information about organisations you can contact.