[Music]

My name is Darren McDermott. I'm 45 and I live in Stopsley Luton.

I had an ache in my testes area. I went to my doctors and I was given antibiotics for a water infection.

I left it, and then in December I thought 'I can't carry on anymore.

I'm having to get out of bed with a hot water bottle to take away the pain.'

So I went back to my doctor and my doctor sent me to the Luton Dunstable Hospital.

On my arrival I was at the STD clinic, which is the Sexually Transmitted Diseases clinic,

where I was tested for five STDs.

I was very... I wouldn't say angry, I wouldn't say bitter, but more confused.

Because I wasn't there for that purpose. I was there because I had an ache.

I was then asked to have an ultrascan.

Halfway through my ultrasound, the radiologist stopped

and said, 'You need to have a CT scan and you need to have it quick.'

So again, my fears were becoming reality.

I got a call from the consultant who wished to speak to me and he advised me to bring someone with me.

So we went to see him, he sat me down and he told me that I had testicular cancer.

I went in to the hospital to have my testis removed.

I thought they had taken the wrong testicle because my pain was all on the left, and they'd removed the right one.

But I was advised that they had removed the infected one. It's what is known as 'referred pain'.

So after my radiotherapy, you come home and then you're left alone.

At that particular point I struggled to deal with my cancer.

I couldn't talk to my family. I didn't want to get my family involved

because I didn't want them to know that I was upset.

I have two children and my fears were am I going to see my children grow up?

Because I want to be part of that. I want to see my children grow.

Because my children are my life and I didn't want to be taken away by this terrible disease.

Like they say, we all come across as this macho-type person.

You know, 'I'm a bloke, I'm a geezer, I'm a lad, I can deal with it.'

And my children are my life. That's what I live for.

And I didn't like the fact that I wasn't going to be around.

Because, you know, I want to grow old with my children.

I don't want to lose my life to cancer.

I couldn't deal with this at all, so I needed help. And that's when I contacted Macmillan.

She got me through the troubled times. It was like having my own personal counsellor.

I started to feel stronger knowing she was coming.

I had a few anxiety attacks before she came,

but when she was here it was fine. It was as if she was like,

I don't know, like an angel, so to speak.

She came in, and after she went I felt great.

You try and hit it head-on, but you have days where you can't.

You have days where even now, it comes back and

it literally smacks you in the face and you think 'oh, jeez, where did that come from?'

Now I felt real anger, because the fact that I didn't want to have more children -

at the time I was 42 - I didn't want cancer to make that decision.

I wanted to make that decision. What right did cancer have to say to me,

'You're not going to have children anymore'?

With my children seeing me go through my illness,

seeing me come out a better person, maybe, a stronger person, at times.

But I try to tell them 'Life is short. Be positive.

Reach your goals, whatever goals you have, whatever aims in life you have.

Because you just don't know what's around the corner.'

[Announcer] For information, help, or if you just want to chat,

call the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 Or visit macmillan.org.uk