[Music]

Four years ago I found a lump in my left breast

and went to the doctor

and after giving me some antibiotics because he thought it might be an infection or mastitis,

they sent me up to the local hospital where I had a mammogram, an ultrasound and a biopsy

and they found out that it was pre-cancerous breast cancer and that was in 2007.

I’ve got three children. Becky at the time was 19, Samuel was 15 and Ellie was five.

I felt like the world had been pulled out from underneath me when I had the diagnosis, I have to say.

And when Chris, my husband, and I talked to the children

we obviously tried to be kind of calm and say things like,

‘We’re sure it will be fine’ and things like that, and be very reassuring to the children,

even though we weren’t feeling very reassured ourselves.

We were honest with them and we told them the truth, but we kind of

varied the story a little bit because they were so different in ages.

We told Becky first, because she’s the eldest and we kind of explained that it was pre-cancerous,

and the surgery that I would have to have, which was a mastectomy and a reconstruction.

And we explained it all to her and told her everything.

With Samuel - Chris, my husband, took Samuel aside and had a bit of a conversation about what it was

– that it was a mastectomy. Because I just thought Samuel would just curl up and die of embarrassment if I told him,

being that sort of age.

So Ellie was five at the time and it’s quite hard to explain something like cancer

to someone who doesn’t even know what a cell is.

So we said to her, ‘You know how you grow and get bigger and taller?’

And she said, ‘Yes’. And we said, ‘Well, what happens sometimes is what makes you grow big and tall

and the little bits inside your body, sometimes they start growing too much.

And they form a lump or a bump and it’s not very good. And it makes you poorly.

And I’ve got a little lump’ and I said, ‘Here. And they’ve got to take that out.’

So that’s kind of how we told her.

Ellie and Samuel were fine. Ellie was like, ‘Oh, okay, fine. You’re having an operation, that’s fine.’

Very matter-of-fact. The only difficulty with her was when I’d had the operation

they want to kind of bomb up to you and give you a cuddle and a hug and I’m sort of saying ‘Gently!’

And they want to bounce on you in the morning when they come in to see you in the mornings.

It’s like ‘don’t do that!’ But emotionally she was fine because she just really, it was matter-of-fact.

My children didn’t ask me ever if I was going to die from it.

I don’t think they wanted to actually voice the question.

I was worried that I would die from it, for sure.

And I have to say, three o’clock in the morning was the worst. That was my real low time.

The rest of the time I could kind of lock the door and push them behind the door and sort them out.

But three o’clock in the morning they just came tumbling out - all the fears, all the worries,

all the thoughts that I might not get to see my kids get older, to get married,

and my little one not even grow up.

So yeah I was really scared about that. Really scared.

I was diagnosed in Summer 2007 so it’s now January 2011.

I have a regular yearly mammogram and they’ve all been clear

and I feel like I’m in a position now, I can look forward to the future,

I can look forward to in a few years’ time Becky and Samuel getting married

- not just yet because they’re a little bit young yet, but in a few years’ time they can,

I hope they can get married.

And I’ll see Ellie grow up.

So I feel like I’m in a really good position and I’ve got a lot to look forward to.

[To Ellie] Can you put your arms around me and give me a kiss?

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call the Macmillan Support Line on 0808 808 00 00 or visit macmillan.org.uk