Talking to children

However, children can cope better with an adult’s cancer if they’re told what’s going on in a way they can understand. We have a section about talking to children when an adult has cancer|, which you may find helpful.

The following tips may help:

• Ask yourself if you’d like some help Very often, a nurse or social worker can be with you to help with difficult discussions. They can answer questions about the treatment or side effects. It’s worth asking whether there is a doctor, nurse, therapist or social worker who can help you.
• Give information at the level of the child’s understanding - not their age Children differ a lot in what they can understand. Some five-year-olds can understand things that some ten-year-olds can’t. So, as you’re speaking, it’s important to check what the child understands. Then you can change what you say, if necessary.
• Be prepared to repeat the information Children may ask for important information to be repeated, perhaps many times. If the subject is painful to you, then you may be tempted to stop the conversation (‘I’ve answered that three times already – that’s enough now!’). But when children ask for repetition, it’s not because they are stupid or trying to hurt you; they simply need to hear the information again. So try to be patient. Repeat the information, but be sure that you say the same things as you did before.
• Be aware of what’s known as ‘magical thinking’ Children can feel very guilty when things go wrong around them - they often feel that in some way, they are to blame for the situation (‘If I’d tidied my room up like mum told me, she wouldn’t be ill now’). Because of this, it’s important to be sure they understand that the situation isn’t their fault. It can be good to include this in an overall statement such as, ‘This is just one of those bad things that happen occasionally. It’s not your fault - it’s just very bad luck.’

It’s important to remember that talking about your cancer to children can help you feel closer to them.