Other people's attitudes towards your cancer

Many people have written or talked about their cancer experiences, and cancer is discussed in magazines, on radio and television programmes, and on the internet.

Avoidance Back to top

However, when it comes to the people you want to talk to, you may worry that they feel uncomfortable talking about your cancer. And of course, you may be right - some people still do find it very difficult to talk about cancer. They may only be able to talk about helpful positive things, while you may feel that you need to talk about your fears.

Your family and friends may have no idea what to say, but may feel that, somehow, they ought to know. They may know that they want to help you, and may think there is a ‘magic formula’ they can use which will make you feel better, but they don’t know what it is.

So, because they don’t know what to say, they may avoid you altogether or simply say very little. This can be hurtful and disappointing.

Denial Back to top

You may also find that some family members go into denial and that they cope with the situation by pretending that it’s not happening. Again, this can be upsetting when you need their support. After a while, their feelings may change and they’ll then be able to talk to you. However, if this doesn’t happen, you may have to accept that this is their way of dealing with the situation and you may need to look to other people for the support you need.

Lack of experience Back to top

Many people have no experience of talking to, or supporting, someone with cancer. They may be unsure of what you want and need, and may not know how to ask you. They may also be too embarrassed to ask you if they think they should already know.

It’s not your family’s or friends’ fault if they feel uncomfortable or unable to talk to you. It may just be that they’re afraid of getting things wrong or making things harder for you. Try to be clear with them about how they can best support and help you.

Fear of your reaction Back to top

Your friends or family may also worry about how you’ll react if they bring up the subject of your cancer. They may think they won’t know what to do if you cry or get upset.

It can be difficult to talk about cancer for all these reasons but, if you’re open and able to talk about your situation and feelings, you can let people know what support you need. You’ll learn to assess different people’s reactions and to focus on relatives and friends who are willing to talk to you and able to be supportive.

With people who find it hard to discuss your illness or who react in a way that isn’t helpful, you may just want to talk about everyday issues. This can also be useful as it gives you time to talk about things other than cancer.

Our section about talking to someone with cancer| is specifically written to help the families and friends of people with cancer.