Resolving conflict

You may find yourself in conflict with your family or friends, or with a member of your healthcare team. Of course, some of your complaints about your treatment or care may be justified, and many can be resolved with time.

However, some people find themselves getting angry with their family, friends or healthcare team. This feeling is often an understandable reaction of anger about having cancer.

Often, fear gets expressed as anger. So if you have angry feelings, think about whether they are being caused by fear and uncertainty. Anger and frustrations are often difficult to control. They may be directed at people close to you, or those who are treating you. Sometimes you may resent the fact that you have cancer while other people are healthy. You may also feel out of control and vulnerable.

For these reasons, it’s possible there will be times when you won’t always agree with other people, and this can cause tension. Here are some ideas to help you manage disagreements and the feelings caused by them:

• Try to describe your feelings rather than just acting on them. For example, you could say that you feel angry rather than start shouting.
• Try to accept emotions, whether they are yours or the other person’s.
• If you can’t agree on a particular issue, you can ‘agree to disagree’.
• Talk about the issue with someone else. You may find a solution by seeing things from a different point of view.
• Try to see the other person’s side of the argument. They may feel bad about the conflict and seeing this may help you feel less angry.
• Write down some of your feelings. This can help you to put things in perspective.
• If your disagreement is about your treatment at the hospital you can contact the Patient Advice and Liaison Service (PALS), who can help sort out any problems.
• If you’re unhappy about personal issues or your home life, you may find it helpful to arrange some counselling sessions.