Talking to friends & relatives as an older person with cancer

Partners or children may feel that you need to be sheltered from your cancer diagnosis or from concerns about your treatment. If you feel able to deal with the diagnosis of cancer and want to be involved in choosing your treatment, it is important that you explain this to your family and your doctors.

Talking about the cancer

Problems can arise if family members try to prevent you finding out that you have cancer, and encourage your doctors not to share the diagnosis with you. They may do this because they are worried that you will not be able to cope with knowing that you have cancer, and may be afraid that you will stop fighting to get better. They are acting with your best interests at heart and mean well. However, this can result in a very complicated situation, where everybody knows the real diagnosis but keeps up a pretence while talking to each other.

You may feel frustrated and angry if people are not being honest with you. You will not be able to talk openly with your doctors or make informed choices about treatment. You may also miss out on some of the support and reassurance which close family and friends would give if you were able to admit to fears about your treatment or the uncertainty of your future. You may go along with the deception because of your own concerns that your family will be upset if you try to talk openly about your cancer. If your cancer is advanced, not talking about the cancer may prevent you being able to share your true feelings with each other.

Some people genuinely prefer not to know if they have cancer, or do not want to know how long they are likely to live. This too is their right, and provided there are other family members who can talk to the doctors and explain how the person with cancer feels then it is not a problem.