Caring and cancer for older people

If you are a carer with cancer Back to top

As we get older, it becomes more likely that we’ll be responsible for caring for a partner, relative or friend who is disabled or ill. If you’re a carer and you are diagnosed with cancer, this may seem like an overwhelming situation. You will need time to think about how you’re going to manage to care for someone while you yourself are ill and possibly having treatment.

You’ll need to understand what treatment| you need for your cancer, and how this will affect your health and ability to care for someone else in the short and long term. It’ll help to know when your treatment can start and how long it might take. This can help you decide whether you can continue in your role of carer, with help and support, or whether other arrangements will need to be made for the person you care for.

If the person you’re caring for has physical disabilities and is mentally alert, then it’ll help to sit down with them and talk through how you are both going to cope now that you have been diagnosed with cancer. If the person you care for is confused or unable to fully understand your illness, you may find it helpful to talk things through with someone else, such as another family member or close friend.

Tackle things in simple steps

• Decide whether you can involve the person you care for in any planning. For example, you could ask them who they would like to care for them if you have to go into hospital for a period of time, or if they would be happy to spend a short time in a care home. If you aren’t able to include them in the planning, find a trusted family member or close friend and talk things through with them.
• Take a realistic look at the needs of the person you care for. Could they manage at home temporarily without your support? What do you do each day? What could other people do? Are there services in place, such as paid carers or sitters, who could temporarily do more?
• Talk through your caring responsibilities and your planned treatment with one of the medical and nursing team. Ask how soon you’ll be able to go back to your caring role.
• Talk to your GP, health visitor or social services about what is happening and find out how soon additional help or residential care could be available.
• Once arrangements are in place, talk again to your cancer team and give them the go-ahead for your treatment to begin.
• It can help to have a few restful days before your operation or the start of treatment, when you don’t have to do your caring duties. This will give you the chance to build up your strength, catch up on some rest and get yourself organised.

If the person you care for hasn’t been involved in your plans, you’ll need to decide when to tell them about the changes that are needed. This can be a difficult conversation. Changes may be difficult for you both, but it can help to remind the person you care for that they are only temporary. Don’t feel that you are to blame, and try not to feel guilty about the changes you are forced to make at this time.

Your cancer treatment might be your number one priority for a time, and you’ll need to concentrate on getting well again.

Caring for someone with cancer Back to top

As a carer of someone with cancer, you have an important role in helping to maintain their quality of life as you support them through this difficult time. People deal with cancer in many different ways - there is no one right way to deal with it. The important thing is to do what’s right for you and the person you care for. In the same way, there are no magic phrases or approaches, which are the correct thing to say, or do, when dealing with someone who has cancer. Often, the important thing isn’t what you say, but how you listen.

You might find our information on talking to someone with cancer| useful.

Taking care of yourself

Caring can be very hard work, both physically and emotionally. If you’ve been caring for your partner, relative or friend for some time, you may already be completely drained. It can be easy to carry on, ignoring how exhausted you are, because you feel that only you can do what needs to be done. Asking for help can be difficult and may seem disloyal. You may have to teach yourself to say yes to offers of help with shopping or cleaning, so that you can free up time and energy to do the personal things that only you can do.

You can get equipment and appliances that may make it easier for both of you to cope at home. The Disabled Living Foundation| can give you more information.

If you’re at home looking after someone full-time, you may not have much chance to go out or spend time with friends. It may seem easier to stay in all the time, especially if the person you’re caring for is very ill and needs a lot of attention. However, it’s very important to maintain contact with friends and make the effort to get out alone regularly.

If you take good care of yourself, it will help to keep your strength and spirits up. If you don’t want to take a break, then you can at least give yourself little treats such as:

• finding time to sit down with a cup of tea
• ensuring you have peace to watch a favourite TV programme
• having an early night with a good book.

We have information for carers looking after someone with advanced cancer|.