Your feelings about weight loss

We all have an image in our minds about what our bodies look like. Although we may not be completely satisfied with this image, most people are used to the way they see themselves.

When you lose weight, perhaps due to the cancer itself or maybe the treatment you are having, you'll see a different image of yourself when you look in the mirror from the one you have developed in your mind. It can be hard for someone who has seen themselves as well-built and healthy to accept that they now look different because they have lost weight.

You may also worry that the change in your looks will affect what your partner|, family and friends think of you. Weight loss can also be worrying for your friends and family. However, despite your loss of weight, you are still the same person with the characteristics for which your family and friends value you.

Some people worry that the change in their looks will affect their personal relationships. You may be worried about rejection or carrying on a sexual relationship. Many people find, once they have summoned up the courage to talk openly to their partner, their fears of rejection are unfounded. Relationships are built on a number of things – love, trust, common experiences and many other feelings. Although weight loss can be upsetting for you both, it can help to discuss this openly and talking about the problem may help you feel closer.

People who have lost their appetites may feel self-conscious about eating at home with the family or eating out with friends. Eating is usually a social event, so even if you feel you can't manage a full meal, there is no reason for you to feel excluded. Your friends and family will usually understand and will enjoy being with you, even if you can’t eat as much as usual.

Sometimes, perhaps when you are feeling tired or sick, you may not be able to prepare food. If you are the person in your family who usually prepares the meals, it can feel strange to stand back and let someone else take charge. It is important not to feel guilty about letting someone else do things you usually do, when you're unwell. After all, when you feel better again you can always take up your responsibility for cooking once more.

If you live on your own and need help with cooking, or around the house generally, contact your GP, district nurse or social worker, so that they can arrange for a home help, meals-on-wheels or a local organisation to help you with cooking or shopping.

Don’t hesitate to ask for professional help if you are finding it difficult to cope with your illness and your emotions. Our section on the emotional effects of cancer| may be helpful to read.

Talking about your feelings can often help to make things clearer for you, and give other people the chance to understand how you are feeling. You may find it helpful to talk to a professional counsellor or a local support group. You can find a counsellor by contacting the Cancer Counselling Trust|.

Don’t see it as a sign of failure that you have not been able to cope on your own. Once people understand how you are feeling they can be more supportive.