Your feelings about having vulval cancer

Most people feel overwhelmed when they are told that they have cancer. Many different emotions arise, which can cause confusion and frequent mood swings. You might not have all the feelings discussed here or experience them in the same order.

These emotions are part of the process that many people go through in trying to come to terms with their illness. Partners, family members and friends often have similar feelings, and may need as much support and guidance in coping with their feelings as you do.

Reactions differ from one person to another - there is no right or wrong way to feel. Some of the common emotional effects are mentioned here.  

However, reactions vary and people have different emotions at different times.

Our section on the emotional effects of cancer|  discusses the feelings and emotions that you may have and has advice on how to cope with them.

Shock and disbelief Back To Top

Often, shock and disbelief are the immediate reactions when cancer is diagnosed. You may feel numb and unable to believe what is happening or to express any emotion. You may find that you can take in only a small amount of information and need to be told the same bits of information repeatedly. This need for repetition is a common reaction to shock.

Some people may find that their feelings of disbelief make it difficult for them to talk about their illness with their family and friends.

Other people may feel an overwhelming urge to discuss it with those around them.

You might find our section on talking about your cancer| helpful.

Fear and uncertainty Back To Top

Many people are anxious about their treatment: whether or not it will work and how to cope with possible side effects. It is best to discuss your individual treatment and possible outcomes in detail with your doctor.

Some people are afraid of the hospital itself, especially if they’ve never been in one before. Talk about your fears to your doctor or nurse. They should be able to reassure you.

You may find that doctors can’t answer your questions fully, or that their answers sound vague. Doctors know approximately how many people will benefit from a certain treatment, but can’t predict the future for a particular person. Many people find this uncertainty hard to live with.

Uncertainty about the future can cause a lot of tension, but fears may be worse than the reality. Gaining some knowledge about your illness can be reassuring. Discussing what you have found out with your family and friends can help to relieve some of the worry.

Denial Back To Top

Many people cope with their illness by not wanting to know anything about it, or not wanting to talk about it. If that's the way you feel, then you can just say quite firmly to the people around you that you’d prefer not to talk about your illness, at least for the time being.

Sometimes, however, it is the other way round. You may find that your family and friends don’t want to talk about your illness. They may appear to ignore the fact that you have cancer, perhaps by playing down your anxieties and symptoms or deliberately changing the subject. If this upsets or hurts you because you want them to support you by sharing what you feel, try telling them. Start perhaps by reassuring them that you do know what is happening and that it will help you if you can talk to them about your illness.

Anger Back To Top

Anger can hide other feelings, such as fear or sadness. You may direct your anger at the people who are close to you and at the doctors and nurses who are caring for you.

It is understandable that you may be deeply upset by many aspects of your illness and there is no need to feel guilty about your angry thoughts or irritable moods. However, relatives and friends may not always realise that your anger is really directed at your illness and not against them. If you can, it may be helpful to tell them this at a time when you are not feeling quite so angry. If you're likely to find that difficult, perhaps you could show them this section of the booklet.

Blame and guilt Back To Top

Sometimes people blame themselves or other people for their illness, trying to find reasons to explain why it should have happened to them.

This may be because we often feel better if we know why something has happened. In most cases it is impossible to know exactly what has caused a person’s cancer so there is no reason for you to feel that anyone is to blame.

Resentment Back To Top

It is understandable if you feel resentful and miserable because you have cancer while other people are well. Similar feelings of resentment may crop up from time to time during the course of your illness and treatment for a variety of reasons. Relatives too can sometimes resent the changes that your illness makes to their lives.

It is usually helpful to bring these feelings out into the open so that they can be discussed. Keeping your resentment to yourself can make everyone feel angry and guilty.

Withdrawal and isolation Back To Top

There may be times during your illness when you want to be left alone to sort out your thoughts and emotions. This can be hard for your family and friends who want to share this difficult time with you. It will make it easier for them to cope if you reassure them that although you may not feel like discussing your illness at the moment, you will talk to them about it when you’re ready.

Sometimes depression can stop you wanting to talk. If you or your family thinks you may be depressed, discuss this with your GP. They can prescribe anti-depressant drugs for you, or refer you to a doctor or counsellor who specialises in supporting people with cancer.