How surgery for vulval cancer may affect your sex life

Most women feel shocked and upset by the idea of having surgery  | to the vulva. When these strong feelings are combined with the trauma of surgery and all the emotions that go with having a cancer diagnosis, it’s understandable that your sex life will be affected.

It’s safe to start to have sex again once your wound has completely healed. This usually takes about 6–8 weeks. But many women won’t feel physically or emotionally ready for sex until after much longer than this.

Sex

Surgery or radiotherapy to a part of the body that is normally associated only with the most intimate and private areas of our lives can bring up all kinds of feelings. These range from deep shame to fear and anger. It’s not something any of us would choose, and yet you will have had to undergo the treatment in order to do the best thing for your health.

It may take some months before you really begin to enjoy sex again after treatment. Don’t be surprised if you feel very unsure about it. Talk to your partner and be as honest as you can about what you want and don’t want. Remember that you need to make yourself and your healing a priority. Allow yourself to say no to any kind of sexual contact that doesn’t feel right.

Some women find that, at first, intercourse is not physically possible because of the way the vulva has healed after treatment. For example, there may be some tightening or scar tissue from either surgery or radiotherapy. There are a number of possible ways to help with this, so it’s important to mention it to your specialist nurse or medical team if you are affected.

The treatment may have brought about changes in how your genital area looks or feels. Many women worry that if their clitoris has been removed they won’t be able to have orgasms. This is not necessarily the case, although you may need to be patient while exploring different ways to reach a climax. Your doctor or nurse may be able to discuss this with you. You may also wish to speak to a sex therapist or counsellor experienced in this area. Our cancer support specialists| , or the British Association of Sexual and Relationship Therapy| can advise you on how to find counselling in your area.

Some women worry about being rejected by their partner because of the changes to their body. You may be surprised by the amount of tolerance and trust, tenderness and love that exists between you and your partner.

However, sometimes difficulties may arise in your relationship. If this happens, you may find counselling helpful, either with your partner or on your own. If you can do this, you may find that it is possible to work through these feelings to a new closeness and understanding.

If you don’t have a partner at the moment, you may feel worried about starting a new relationship in the future. Talk to your nurse specialist about how you are feeling. You may find it helpful to get in touch with a woman who has had the same type of treatment. See our list of useful organisations|  for help.

We have a section on sexuality and cancer| , which you may find helpful.