Talking to children

How much you tell your children will depend on their age and how mature they are. Even very young children can sense when something is wrong, and their fears can sometimes be worse than the reality.

It may be best to start by giving only small amounts of information and gradually tell them more to build up a picture of your illness.

Children often feel they are somehow to blame for illness, and may feel guilty for a long time, whether they show it or not; they will need to be reassured that your illness is not their fault. They may also want reassurance about what they are told by other people, as they may misunderstand what they hear.

Very young children are concerned with what is happening in the present and they do not worry about what will happen later. They usually need only simple explanations of why you need to go into hospital or are not your usual self. They may ask the same question again and again, which can be difficult to deal with when you are already coping with the cancer and its effects.

Slightly older children may understand better with a story about ‘good cells’ and ‘bad cells’. Most children of about ten years and over can grasp fairly complicated explanations.

Children of any age may worry that you are going to die. If your leukaemia is likely to be controlled for a long time, it’s important to tell them this.

We have other information about talking to children when an adult has cancer|, which includes discussion about sensitive topics.

Teenagers

Teenagers can have an especially hard time. At a stage when they want more freedom, they may be asked to take on new responsibilities and they may feel overburdened. It’s important that they can go on with their normal lives as much as possible and still get the support they need.

If they find it hard to talk to you, you could encourage them to talk to someone close who can support and listen to them, such as a grandparent, family friend, teacher or counsellor. They may also find it useful to look at riprap.org.uk|, a website which has been developed especially for teenagers who have a parent with cancer.